Where Have the Years All Gone?

Last Friday, we were listening to the Deans of all the individual schools that make up Shorter University in Rome intently.   Debbie and I wanted to know how they were planning to use our funds to educate our only child.   We didn’t want the work that we have done to be undone, and we were quite impressed with what we heard.  Later we toured the freshman dorms, and saw where our daughter was going to share a space with three other girls - one bathroom.   “That’s going to be interesting,” I thought.   Then Debbie and I sat together in the shade on a rock wall, eating what we lovingly called a $31,000 free BBQ sandwich, while watching a whole lot of university students playing on bouncy houses, volleyball and just chatting each other up.   You see the school brought in the party to give the kids a chance to blow off steam for FINALS week.    Sitting there we overheard some of their conversations.   Some were saying goodbye to each other.    Some for just the summer vacation, while others were graduating and heading off into the sunset on the next chapter of their lives.    One young man was bound for Colorado, another for New York.   We sat there for a little while holding each other’s hands.   We watched our daughter from afar walking around with her new friends and the free cotton candy.    I won’t say, but there may have been a little tear or two in the corners of our eyes.   Time moves on.   It does not stop for no one.   

Tuesday, the phone rang early.   I don’t know the time, but most likely it was way before fishermen even get their hooks wet.   Anyway, it was dark outside.    My mother in law was frantic.  “He’s fallen, and I can’t get him up.”   She said.   I grabbed my Bama baseball cap, threw my jeans on, and to their house I went.   It is just down the road, so it didn’t take me long to get there.   She met me at the door, and took me to him.   My father in law was in the floor.   She had covered him with a blanket and had given him a pillow.   I surveyed the scene and figured out the best course of action.   It didn’t take me long to get him up, so I looked around a bit.   I saw the familiar home where Debbie grew up.   I saw comfortable furniture.   I remembered sitting on that very couch while dating their daughter.   I remembered Christmases gathered around the tree in the den.   They all kind of run together now.   I remembered the picnics on the back porch or by the fire in the back yard.   I smiled remembering when I rebuilt his back deck when it was no longer safe to use.   Then I saw that I need to repair this deck.   It’s getting a bit old.   I looked around and there are quite a few things that I need to fix.   Ok, so I’ll just add all those items to my to-do list.   I finally remembered who I am, so I consoled my mother in law.   As I listened to her cry.  I thought to myself that this must be the first time that she put it together in her mind that things are different now.   I think she saw, that her husband is no longer the big strong man that she married when she was 17.   Yes, he cared for her that long, and time passes.   It does not stop for anyone.   

A couple of days later Debbie received another frantic call early in the morning, but this time the sun was already up.   The call from her mother didn’t really make sense.   She just said, “He needs an ambulance.   He can’t.”    We didn’t know what he couldn’t do, but we knew he needed an ambulance.   I called one on my phone, while Debbie was trying to calm her mother.   Of course the dispatcher wanted more information that I did not possess, so I gave Deb my phone, and off to the closet I went to grab my Bama baseball cap, jeans and tennis shoes.    Off to their house I went, while Debbie and Hannah were still getting ready and calling her sister.   I arrived just a bit after the ambulance and fire truck.  I love fire trucks.   They are so cool - red, shiny and big - what’s not to like I guess, but I digress.     Debbie’s sister had arrived just minutes before I did, and we watched as they carried my father in law to the ambulance from his bedroom.   My suggestion was that the sister get her mom ready while I follow the ambulance.   The EMTs strapped him in, connected some tubes, and pulled away.   As I was leaving behind my in-laws, Debbie and Hannah were arriving at their house.   I waved, and off I went to the ER at Kennestone.   I answered the questions that I could (Somehow I knew his middle name and birthdate -impressive right?).  They decided that the questions I couldn’t answer would not be a deal breaker, so they began working with him.   They began testing - took him for a cat scan.   They drew his blood.   They x-rayed his chest - took his temperature, connected him to the blood pressure machines.   They discovered that he is a good deal sicker than a man full of cancer should be.   You see he has also contracted pneumonia, and it has gone septic.   This big man who took care of so many things for so many people is moving on to a new world - sooner rather than later I suppose.   Then everyone began arriving to the ER.   I hugged my mother in law.    I took Debbie’s sister into the hall.   I told her, “You make the decisions.   Debbie will make sure everyone has something to eat.   If you have to make a decision that no one likes then blame things on me.   I am here for you and have been down this very road recently.”    I saw Debbie and of course she was feeding her dad ice chips.   What a girl!   God gave me a gift you know?   I don’t know what I did to deserve her.   I guess I just caught a break with God.   She looked at me with eyes that said everything, “I can’t go down this road again.   Why does everyone have to die on me?”    

Time moves on.   It does not stop or even slow down for anyone.    This means we as children of Christ have only a finite number of minutes to do the important things in life.   What are the important things?  You might ask.   Well, the important things are relationships.    First, the very most important relationship is the one with Jesus Christ the living Son of God.    Use these finite minutes to check your relationship to Him.   Are you secure in your salvation?   Are you sure?   Use the minutes you have been given to check your family’s, friends’, neighbors’, coworkers’ relationships to the ONE TRUE GOD.   There is no other way to heaven than through Jesus Christ.   If you don’t believe me check your Scriptures.   Or you can just trust me.   I know its’ there.      How about your relationship to others?   Do you really have time enough to spare to use in anger toward others.  Or perhaps in envy.   Wouldn’t it be a wiser use of our very limited time to be kind?   Loving?   Truthful?   

"Go Forward Church, Go Forward"

On January 5, Franklin Graham told almost 2000 chilly Idahoans who gathered at the capitol in Des Moines in his first Decision America event, “I believe we are perilously close to the moral tipping point for the survival of the United States of America.”   Later in his speech he strongly encouraged Christians to put feet to their prayers by becoming politically active, vote according to their Christian beliefs, and run for office, which is all well and good.   We should vote according to what we believe, and we ought to run for office if we think we can accomplish what needs to happen.     However, I am afraid that God’s people have too long been trying to legislate morality rather than working to change hearts.     You see, in the past, we had something called the blue laws, which restricted alcohol sales and movie theater showings on Sunday.   Before that we had prohibition which restricted alcohol sales completely for about 13 years or so.     That’s a nice thought and all, but here is the real deal: No one came to know Jesus because of the laws we encouraged to be enacted.   No life was dramatically turned around because of those laws.   In fact, prohibition encouraged the growth of organized crime. Here in the South it saw moonshining as an occupation, which in a weird twist of fate saw the birth of NASCAR.  There are a few moonshiners in my family’s history by the way, but don’t tell anyone.    It’s all hush-hush.   

Legislation is fine, but all it does is anger the sinner.   It is time that we live according to what we believe.   It is time that we look like a follower of Jesus.    It is time that we have compassion for those who have wrecked their lives because they have chosen worldly ways.     It is time that we befriend them and love them.   Our lives can show them that following Jesus may not offer the same kinds of thrills that a worldly lifestyle offers, but rather a life of following Jesus offers peace where there was none before.   It offers hope of something better.   It offers kindness and a family who will love you even with your warts and all the mess you bring with you.    

I challenge you today to befriend a neighbor, I mean really become a friend to someone who is lost.   Don’t preach at them.   Don’t highlight their ways, but rather show them love and compassion and a smiling face.    Pray for them, and let the Holy Spirit do His thing during your relationship.   You just stay out of God’s ways.   Don’t try to change their ways, before God changes their hearts.   If a heart is truly changed, then their lives will be transformed over time as they get closer and closer to their Savior.    As followers ourselves, we are given a mandate by Jesus to share what He has done with us with others.    It is our duty and our privilege, but I will be honest.   It often isn’t easy.   It sometimes makes us love those who are unlovable.   It sometimes places us in situations where we really don’t want to be.    It is messy doing God’s work, but it’s got to be done.    If we do what He told us to do, then we don’t have to run for office, because the one we reached is.   If we do what He told us to do, then we don’t have to legislate unacceptable behaviors because those behaviors will be changed from the inside.    God told the Israelites in Exodus 14 to quit your praying and go forward.    It’s time for us to “Go Forward.”    

Exodus 14:15  And the LORD said to Moses, "Why do you cry to Me? Tell the children of Israel to go forward.

Blessings,
Steve DuVall

Are We Practicing Missional Living?

Are We Practicing Missional Living?

Recently I was asked why I am so concerned with missions.   My short answer was, “That’s where the lost people are.” At the time, it did not occur to me to elaborate more, because if you want to know the truth, looking for the lost and figuring out ways to go there is just how my mind is wired. This concept of missions is so wired into my thinking that often I forget, that for most Christians, missions is a program.  It stands up there with Vacation Bible School or a couple of annual offerings taken to send to the missionaries, either foreign or at home. (For us Southern Baptists, one is called Lottie Moon - received for International Missions at Christmastime, and the other is Annie Armstrong - which is being received right now for North American mission efforts.)

I've discovered that there is no real Christian who would deny the importance of missions. “Go and teach, baptizing in the name of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit” is a commandment probably memorized shortly after John 3:16.    Therefore all of us, who know Jesus, know deep down that He commanded missions.   You can read that during the early portion of His earthly ministry, Jesus spoke very little concerning missions, but during the final portion - the period between his resurrection and ascension - He spoke of little else. There were hundreds of matters that Jesus and His disciples could have discussed during the final forty days, but Christ’s mind was filled with encouraging us to take the good news everywhere.   What does that mean though? How do we make that commandment come alive in our day-to-day lives?  I think to many of us it is all just so confusing.  Honestly, I think the kind of church we have built in our culture even helps to obscure the meaning of Jesus’ commandment somewhat.  You see, we get very concerned with budgets, and I know that budgets are important. The power bill does come due - monthly.  We get concerned with attendance numbers, and numbers are important also, because the fourth book of the Bible is called Numbers.  (A lame preacher's joke by the way.)   We get concerned with all sorts of “churchy activities” so much so that our calendars and agendas are completely filled with studying for a lesson we are going to teach, attending choir practice, playing on the church softball team, or going to this committee meeting or that one.   The church and all that goes with being a church builds us a little fortress where we can come and be comfortable, and we come often!   Our friends go to church with us.  We raise our kids and grandkids here.  Our free time is spent taking care of all things church and going to its activities, so we get caught up in very busy and very fulfilling lives.   I think then that maybe we turn inward a little bit too much. You see, when all your friends and relatives know Jesus, it is hard to see the thousands around you who do not know Him, so it is quite understandable that we are confused about what Jesus’ command really means to our lives and how we live our lives under that command.

The only way I know to have Jesus’ command come alive in our hearts is to first seriously pray for the eyes of Jesus.   Pray that God would take away all the things that assault our senses and allow us to focus upon the condition of their souls. Ask Him to help us not see “worldly needs.”  The size of a person’s wallet has nothing to do with whether or not they will go to heaven or hell.  Ask Him to help us not see their level of education, because a few degrees behind someone’s name has never meant they were going to heaven.  Nor does the lack of the ability to read or write mean that one is bound for hell.   Ask Him to help us to look past the color of their skin or the accent upon their tongues.   Secondly, stop wherever you are and look around.   Look into people’s eyes.  Smile at them.   When you do, God will show you lostness.  Then you will see the reality that everyone has sinned and fallen short of the glory of God. This reality means everyone is bound for an eternity spent without the presence of Jesus in a place called Hell unless they call upon Jesus' name, ask for forgiveness and accept it.  This means to you and me that, while walking down the street, almost everyone we see will spend eternity in a place without hope.  This means where you work or where you go to school, the vast majority of those you know will spend eternity in Hell. When God shows you this lostness in your heart it will break.   Your heart will break.   It's then that you will weep in your car, and it is then that His commandment will come alive within your heart.  When that happens you will automatically pray, “God what can I do? Tell me Jesus, what can I do?”   I promise you, He will answer, and when He does, and we accept His answer, it guides what we do, how we do it, and how we think.   By the way the term for this is called “missional living.”   This, my friend, is the better answer to why I am so concerned with missions.  You see I have prayed that prayer.   I continue praying that prayer, and as a result I am always trying to watch, and every day God continues to show me that the lost really are out there.   I guess I need to be perfectly honest though. Sometimes, quite often, I fail at missional living.   I suppose there are a thousand and one reasons why I fail, but the bottom line is always - my selfishness - my sin.  You see, when we neglect the daily opportunities to share the truth about Jesus for fear of rejection, punishment, looking foolish or any other number of reasons, we are not living missional. We are more concerned with self than with others.  What possibly could be more important than the condition of someone’s soul? 

Top 5 Things Missionaries who are Stateside miss about a Thanksgiving Overseas

I've read several posts this season about what missionaries miss about Thanksgiving while overseas, so I thought I would write a short list looking at the same issue but from the other direction.   Here we go with my list of 5 things I miss about celebrating Thanksgiving while overseas:

1) The very clearly defined and deep sense of a truly thankful heart - (There are many things for which to be thankful, but here are a few highlights from those living and serving overseas: your sustenance in lands where plenty is rarely an option; for safety and not from the "Black Friday" mass of holiday shoppers; for signs of movement toward a relationship with Jesus among your people group; for the closeness that being in a foreign culture brings to your immediate family; for the wonderful opportunity that God has given you to truly see and learn about the real world we live in.)   

2) The closeness of your mission "family", gathered together somewhere in true koinonia (fellowship) and worshiping God.

3) The substitute turkey - in the form of chicken if you are lucky.

4) The introduction of your favorite holiday to your "National" Christian brothers and sisters - who always immediately sense its importance, and then watching them introduce this same holiday into their culture.

5) The almost frantic pre-thanksgiving holiday search for any of your favorite thanksgiving foods that you might prepare in order to remind you of "home."

Blessings and be truly thankful for what we have been given.

Steve

   

3 Steps to Penetrate the Community

“With Jesus in my heart and a Bible in my hand, I have more than I need to do whatever Jesus expects me to do.”    And with that phrase ringing in his ears, a rookie missionary was sent to reach the lost among people he had never met, in a language that he didn't know, and in a land that he had never seen.   Eventually that missionary – me – learned that Ken Sorrell was on to something very true.  So the question is: How can a follower of Christ penetrate a community with the life-changing message of Jesus?   

  

1. Get into the community.   I didn't have to learn this, because I knew it already.   I knew that I had to turn the TV off and leave my comfy couch to go into the community.   Few strangers were jumping at the chance to sit on my couch and watch a TV show with me that they couldn't understand.   The cold hard fact is that it is terribly hard to reach someone with a life changing message while you are sipping an iced tea watching the Amazing Race.   (My current favorite TV show, by the way.)   Common sense says, that for the Gospel to be shared one must be in a position to share it.   Paul said it this way in Romans 10:17, “Faith comes from hearing, and hearing by the word of Christ.” (ESV)    How can they hear without being with them where they are to share it?   Some will say by internet, TV, print media, and radio.   Well, OK I’ll give you that, but are you absolutely certain that they heard it and understood it?   The message is just too important to leave to a chance encounter with a website.

2.  Connect with the community.  Quite often I would go into communities and hand out tract after tract – thousands and thousands of them over the years literally.   Sometimes as I was heading off to another destination in order to pass out even more tracts I would pass by people reading those tracts.   Good!  The Bible says in Isaiah 55:11, “so shall my word be that goes out from my mouth; it shall not return to me empty, but it shall accomplish that which I purpose, and shall succeed in the thing for which I sent it.”  (ESV)  Here is the thing though, after leaving the community I never knew what happened with the truth I shared.   It wasn’t long at all until I realized that I needed to stay awhile in order to see the fruit of my tract distribution.   Also after staying awhile I discovered that I was blessed deep inside somehow when I learned the names of those with whom I had shared a tract.   It might interest you to know what I did while “staying in the community.”  Well, honestly I did what I do best – hang out.   I have to admit, I am always a little bit envious of those missionaries who can bring really cool things to the game.   Some of them play football (soccer) really well, and they will play for hours with people in the park.   Well, I am certainly not an athlete. Others were farmers who know enough to hang around helping in a field.   Others were crafty type people, and can do all sorts of manner of interesting things using nothing more than bits of discarded boxes, palm branches, lip stick and Elmer’s glue.   I am definitely not crafty.   Some would teach English – always a good job hunting skill for those in a foreign land, but if you are reading this then you already understand that English is not particularly my strong suit.   I even know of a doctor or two that will give medical or dental help.   I have a lawyer friend who gave legal advice.   There were some rich missionaries who could give out lots and lots of rice and beans.   And then there was me – about the best thing I can do is drink coffee and make small talk, but people really seem to like it when they heard me mention their child’s name as I prayed for them before heading back to my comfy couch for the night.

  

3. Share the message.   Isn't it amazing what God can do?   The Bible says in, Romans 8:28, “All things work together for good, for those who are called according to His purpose.”   (ESV)   I am astounded that God even blesses my love of coffee and small talk.     By sticking around a community for a bit I will meet someone and we will drink coffee and chat, and after a while we will know all sorts of interesting things about each other.   Eventually I might even be invited home with them, and before long they want to know why I am their friend drinking their coffee.    And my answer is always this, “Jesus sent me here to be your friend so that you will listen to the message He wants you to hear when I decide it’s a good time to share it with you.”  They inevitably ask, “What’s the message?”  Then the Gospel message that can change their lives they will hear, and many many times they will believe.    And once they do I will tell them, “Now it is your task to share this with everyone you know.”   It is wonderful when they will, and then I can move on to somewhere else in order to meet more friends, drink more coffee and make even more small talk.   The truth of the matter is this: few people will believe a message from a communicator that they don’t trust – some might for sure, but very few.   Trust takes time to develop.   Usually trust comes through a good relationship.   Few of us are in a position where real people with real needs believe that we have the message that can change their lives – perhaps Billy Graham has that kind of reputation, but normal people don’t.   I certainly don’t.   And here is the kicker – when we remain sitting on our couches watching our TVs then they are absolutely sure that we don’t have the answer for their need.   When we drop by their community for a minute or two and just leave something with them, then more often than not they are confused about what just transpired.   When we stay though – then relationships happen.   By staying for a time it may mean that you discover some real needs that you can address rather than what you guess might be their greatest stumbling block to the message of Jesus.   When we stay we are blessed with new friends and usually with new believers who also want to follow Jesus.    

So what Ken taught that naive missionary a long time ago was very true.   It’s not expensive to penetrate a community.   I didn't and don’t need new and better equipment.   I didn't and don’t need buildings or a big budget.   I didn't and don’t even need boxes of Bibles to give away.    All those things were and are very nice and when they come along I will never turn them down, but I don’t need them.    On the missionary field I learned that all I need is the love of Jesus to motivate my going to a community, a cup of coffee to make a new friend while I am there, and a Bible to show others the way to him.    So I suppose after all that I did change a little of what Ken taught, although the essence is exactly the same, so I don’t think he will mind too much: “With Jesus in my heart and a Bible in one hand and a cup of coffee nearby, I have more than I need to do whatever Jesus expects me to do.”   In that sense I have more than the Apostle Paul and the original 12 when they went along their way, which is real good because I ain't in their league.   You see for them the Bible wasn't quite completed yet, and coffee wasn't discovered until the fourteenth century.    

Until He comes… GO and DO!

What have we been up to?

“What have I been up to?” I was asked recently.   Well, it is simple really. . .   Retooling.  Rediscovering my passions.   Praying.   Following my heart.  Preaching and teaching a good bit.  And writing – a lot.    Much of this you will be able to read over the course of the next few months, as things get proofed and much editing is completed.   As well, a new ministry has been born – strategiChurch ministries.   The mission of this new ministry is to do whatever is necessary to help pastors and churches reach the unchurched and dechurched individuals who reside in their communities.    Just imagine the possibilities if a church and a pastor had a strategic consultant, who knows and understands the culture of the local church, walking with them as they look at their changing communities in order to discover how to penetrate it with the Gospel that so desperately needed.   Another part of the ministry will be intentional transitional pastoring, where one goes into a church for a set amount of time helping the local church transition to a new future.   I trust that through all this that God will be glorified as souls are saved and lives changes, because bottom line this is our desire and the purpose of our lives.  

Brochures will be available in a couple of weeks; business cards will be ready next Wednesday I believe, and our website is up and running, although much of the resources that will be free and available are still in the editing stage.   Please go ahead though and take a look.   Drop us a note we would love to hear from you.   The web address is: www.strategiChurch.net.   And don’t forget the new phone number at (470) 328-1838.  

Please keep us in your prayers as we begin this new direction for our lives and ministry.  

Blessings,

Steve DuVall 

Uniquely and Happily Married. . .

Next week -- on the 27 of July -- my bride and I will enter into our 28th year of marriage.    I have been kidding her publicly about celebrating the milestone at the Waffle House -- a fine American eating establishment.   She has countered that she would rather go to the Varsity. (For those of you who don't know, the Varsity is a famous Atlanta, Georgia landmark offering the greatest in Chili dogs and FOs -- Frosted Orange shakes.  "What'll ya have; what'll ya have?"  is their famous and registered catch phrase.) You may not believe it, but I am being completely honest here, we would both really enjoy either of them. You see we have never been a couple that needed somewhere "magical."   We have always found the "magic" by just talking.    Simply driving in cars long distances has been many of our favorite memories over the years, and well neither one of us have ever felt the need for something expensive and fancy in order to validate who we are to each other.   On the occasions when we have done those sorts of things, we usually think afterwards -- "We paid this for that!"   People may think that we aren't very exciting, but that is who we are, and from the looks of things that is who we come from as well.    Today my parents - Windol and Evelyn - completed 61 years of matrimony.   They are currently celebrating with matching Doctor's appointments, and if they feel like it afterwards they are going to John Boy's All You Can Eat Buffet.  It seems they have never been ones to spend much on celebrations or presents either.  But our marriages are a blessing in other ways.   I haven't asked my dad, but I can say for me that my marriage is great, satisfying even, and well it is just pleasant to be married to my best friend.   It might even be said that our relationship is almost perfect.   I've noticed through 28 years that our marriage often mirrors our relationship to God.   Another pastor Stewart Ruch III said it this way, "marriage with God is a dramatic biblical metaphor for God's relationship with his people.  He chose spiritual marriage, the great marriage of our souls with God, as a kind of beatific vision, the end goal of all of our personhood."   I liked how he said that. It was well worded and beautiful and very true.         

Most people know what I am -- a pastor -- so over the years I have dealt with I don't know how many exactly but let's just say a whole lot of people struggling with their marriages. People have come to me complaining about their spouse spending way to much.  I have heard countless "cheating" tales.    And from the cheaters, I have heard the, "they don't fulfill my needs" stories.   (Over the years it seems that the stories have gotten more graphic, but in any event I listen to all of them.)   I offer whatever advice and wisdom that I can give them and highlight various passages from scripture that I think might help them.   As well I give them the card of a professional counselor that I trust where they might find further help.  And I always, always pray for them in person, and they may not know this but I continue to pray for them daily and often more times than that.    You see my heart breaks for their pain, and so often unless we get the relationship fixed it ends in divorce with even more pain and poverty even.      

The statistics on divorce are incredible.   I saw the other day that  41% of first marriages end in divorce; 60 percent of second marriages end in divorce; 73% of third marriages end in divorce. (http://www.mckinleyirvin.com/blog/divorce/32-shocking-divorce-statistics)   I wasn't astounded because I have heard those numbers before.   It seems that a little over 1/2 of all marriages end in divorce, and that stat has held true for about the last fifty years.   I find it interesting that over 1/2 of all those who have been divorced wish that they or both of them had tried harder to fix things before d-day.    I have book after book on the shelves about why marriages fail, and they all say about the same thing, and let me just summarize them with this quick little list.  

1. Lack of commitment
2. Too much arguing
3. Difficult finances
4. Infidelity
5. Marrying too young
6. Unrealistic expectations
7. Lack of equality in the relationship
8. Lack of preparation for marriage
9. Abuse

I have heard all those reasons -- everyone of them in fact.   Often people will list three or four when we talk. And again, my heart breaks for their suffering, but I honestly don't believe any of those are the actual reason for their marital pain.   I believe they are symptoms of the real reason.   I am about to write something that many will find controversial.    There will be those who send nasty comments my way, but it is the truth, and I am bound by who I am to share it like it is.   Are you ready? Here we go: the real reason for all those symptoms listed above is selfishness on at least one, but usually both partners in a committed relationship.    "I want', I want" characterizes who we have become in our nation.   We all want the best.   We all want more.   We have taken wanting to a new level.  I believe this has occurred because it has been possible in the USA up until recently to continually increase in our consumption and ownership of things. The American dream is dying now, but it was alive and well.  If we couldn't outright pay for something then credit was the available answer, and all the time "I want. I want more." is on our minds.   How often have you heard this, "I want my spouse to complete me."    "I want someone to make me feel special."   "I want someone to just love me for who I am."   Stop for just a minute and think about those three little statements. . .   Well, selfishness is the root of all of them.   Let's take them one by one.   

• I want my spouse to complete me.   I'm sorry, but if you are not a complete person going into the marriage then you will never be completed by a mere human being.   No human has the power to complete you.   Nobody, and I don't care who they are can do that -- no matter what the musicians and poets make you think.   Only God can complete the hole in your heart.       
• I want someone to make me feel special.   Well, what makes you feel special?   Things?  Time?   Words?   Physical touch?   Respect?   Honestly everyone wants at least one of those, but it is tough to ever "get enough" or "give enough".    
• I want someone to just love me for who I am?   Let me just ask you this, are you all that "lovable" all the time or do you need to make some changes?   Shave.  Take a bath.  Use perfume.   Stop arguing and wanting your own way.   I don't know.   Do you need to consider who you are?       

Here is what God says about selfishness in a love relationship, 1 Corinthians 13:4-6 "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking [Emphasis mine], it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth."   Did you read that? God says there is no selfishness in love.   There is no selfishness in the love you give or the love you receive.   The perfect relationship with a spouse is where both partners are completely and wholly devoted to the other.  A great relationship is one where both partners are always looking to please the other.   A satisfying relationship is one where both partners want the absolute best for the other.   A pleasing relationship is one where each partner sacrifices their own will, their own wants for the other's.   No wonder there are so many hurts and so much anger and discouragement in marriage relationships; its hard to live that way.   It is hard to not be selfish.   

That perfect, great, satisfying and pleasing relationship is the kind of relationship that God wants to have with you, but the sad fact is that most of us bring our own wants -- our selfishness -- into this relationship with God.   Just like in our own relationships with our spouses we want the wholehearted blessings that He can give while returning only a half-heart or even less to Him.    When this applies in our relationship to God, we get the same results with Him as we find in our flesh and blood marriages -- pain, frustration, anger and hurt. Ultimately we will find divorce with Him as well.   

Blessings and write me if you need me.   

Steve